The date was September 29th, 2019. I call my parents to tell them I have been offered a job with a full-time ministry, and I think I want to accept. I’d need to raise my own support and I’ll travel for work eight months of the year.
They immediately began a surprising chorus of “No. Nope. I don’t understand. No way are you doing that.”
At that moment I felt so confused, my parents are believers and they should know that ministry is a great option for me. How could my mom and dad not want me to pursue a job that I felt “called to?”
The feelings I had were valid, but my parent’s concerns were also rooted in legitimate feelings. Their feelings were crucial to understanding why they said no. I later realized that:
This call was the first time I had mentioned full-time ministry to my parents.
Support raising a salary is something common to me because of my college experience, but something my parents have never heard of.
My parents saw traveling for long periods of time as a loss of time with me.
In one phone call I had pitched a lifestyle for myself that was foreign to almost everything they knew and understood. I had given them no chance to ask questions and no opportunity to voice concerns. I approached my parents with a “Here is what is gonna happen attitude.” That, my friends, was not very honoring of them.
What could I have done differently, and why is it important to honor your parents in these decisions in the first place?
When you’re thinking about going overseas or joining full-time ministry, there can be various obstacles you will need to think through and pray that God will help you overcome.
Do you know what the biggest obstacle is? Author Kim Ransleben’s says, “The number one barrier these young men and women face in trying to take the gospel overseas is often parents just like me.” While most obstacles (leaving comfort, support raising, language learning, etc.) are hard things, they cannot audibly say “no”or defy you as you decide to overcome them. But, parents are able to speak, and most have life-long relationships with you and therefore have an unspoken authority, even when you no longer live with them.
Parents are not your average obstacle, and it even feels a little weird calling them an obstacle. Probably because they just want what they think is best for you. Let’s bring scripture into the relationship between you and your parents. We have several different pictures of that relationship in the Bible:
“Honor your Father and Mother…” Exodus 20:12.
“Obey your parents in everything…” Colossians 3:20
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.” Luke 14:26
“Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me…” Matthew 10:37
At first glance, the first two verses may seem to say different things than the second two. Luckily for us the Word of God never contradicts itself. We see here God wants us to value our parents. And, for a good reason considering He calls Himself our Father. The Lord blesses us with the chance to honor Him through honoring those He has placed with authority to raise us up. Yet, He also reminds us that they are not our eternal parents. The point of the second two verses is not to dishonor or reject our family, but to value our eternal Father far above our current “earthly parents.” Both are important, yet unequally weighted when viewed through an eternal perspective.
So how do we say yes to God’s heart for the world, while not dishonoring our parents? Let’s look at some practical ways to not only honor our parents, but to get them onboard with the passions God has given us.
MAKE IT A CONVERSATION, NOT A COMMENT: A lot of times parents could be caught off guard if you suddenly drop on them that you want to move to the ends of the earth. The moment you feel God moving, let them know! First, you’ll allow them to see that this isn’t spontaneous and that you have put thought into it. Second, it mobilizes them! Tell your parents that you feel drawn to ministry and let them walk alongside you.
ALLOW THEM TIME TO PROCESS: Be patient. Your parents will want to ask 1,000 questions and that’s okay. When my parents started asking questions it allowed me to get answers I didn’t know I needed. They’ve been around a lot longer and will know to ask about the things we don’t. So let them help you process, and give them time to process for themselves. They may be sending their baby overseas, so let them be involved!
If God has impressed upon your heart to go and serve the nations or to enter into full-time ministry - do not fear telling your parents. God is with you and will help you, but also remember to give your parents a lot of grace and space as they process with the Lord and with you!
By Mason Willett
Mason is a traveler (2020) and member of The Traveling Team. Mason has a passion to see God’s heart for the nations spread to college students and the church. He plans to spend several years mobilizing before he moves into church planting. Mason comes to us from the University of Central Arkansas.
